The 10:1 Rule Remastered

I used to do speaking engagements and professional development on serving low-income students.  One of the ways I encouraged my attendees to make emotional deposits into their students is the 10:1 rule.  The rule is that you have to say ten positive things to a student for every one criticism or negative thing that has to be said.  This can be tough to do, and I often found myself pushing to get all my ten positive comments in.  I never saw this as disingenuous because it pushed me to engage with my students who I knew needed it.  Remember what Rita said, "Kids don't learn from people they don't like."

I also applied this rule to coaching.  I was lucky enough to coach softball and girls basketball as a younger man.  I haven't coached anything in ten years, and now I have found myself on the field again as a volunteer assistant softball coach for my school's junior high team.  I'm going to be selfish and say that being in this role has made me feel young again.  I turned 50 this year, and when I'm with our team, I do not feel 50.  It’s only afterwards, when I am looking for the Tylenol.  

If you're a coach, you know that the best thing about coaching is the kids.  Sadly, I still hear some coaches blame phones and travel teams for kids not joining school teams.  That's not a problem with the 10:1 rule.  When you are upbeat, encouraging, and focused on player success, they return that enthusiasm to you.  This unique relationship is what keeps kids participating, and to see them light up when they learn a new skill or overcome what they saw as an obstacle is quite intoxicating.

Ten years later, the 10:1 rule and the relationships it creates make all the other noise go away.  Kids are free to work on themselves and work for their teammates.  They are eager to ask for feedback and love to stay for extra swings.  Coaches, the environment you create keeps players around and, most importantly, engaged.  I've heard it said over and over that kids don't quit teams; they quit coaches.  I wish this weren't true, but my experiences have led me to believe this.

For now, I will keep working on my personal goal of the 10:1 rule.  I know some days I will not get there, but I will always be making myself better so my players can be better.

Creating the "Others" in Education

I am a school administrator.  In certain segments of social media, I am the reason teachers are leaving the profession.  Shame on me.  In other segments, the parents are making teachers leave the profession.  And of course, the kids.  Those darn kids are so awful that teachers are leaving the profession.

Teacher friends, if you are someone who can scroll past these places because you know the issue is more complicated than that, God bless you.  If you can't stop consuming this content and it makes you angry, we need to talk.

If social media is good at anything, it is creating "others".  Those "other" people do not understand you.  Those "other" professionals do not put up with what you put up with.  Administration, parents, and kids are becoming those "others" that teachers should be pushing back against.  This is simply not the case.  Look at the post below.  It tugs at the heartstrings of teachers while not acknowledging that the very institution of school itself is being undermined.

Look at this one.  Nothing about this line of thinking is untrue.  The line in the middle says, "Teachers don't leave the job. They leave the conditions."  My feeling is that the graphic could be rewritten.    Maybe it should read, "Schools do not fail kids.  The conditions fail kids."  The school as a whole would benefit from these needs being met for every person at every level.  When were teachers not part of the school?  When the content creator, author, or public speaker needed clicks and views.  Don't take the bait.

My friends, I can take a joke.  This next one doesn't bother me, but it highlights my point.  I hear it more often than not that some administrator ruined the teaching experience for someone.  I'm sorry if that is you, but we are not all guilty for your experience.  The truth is, there are poor administrators just as there are poor teachers, custodians, and bus drivers.  The vast majority are doing their best with what they have and are happy to live under the bus (after being thrown under it) so others can thrive.  This is just another attempt at creating an "other" to attribute our problems and unhappiness to.

Folks, stop buying into this content that attempts to disassociate you from your school.  Our schoolhouses are in trouble, and everyone under our roof is welcome to join the cause.  Yes, new laws suck and make our jobs harder.  Yes, parenting is seeing a shift in priorities that do not match the purpose of schools.  Yes, screens are robbing our kids of the practice of social interaction, and that shows up as poor behavior.  And yes, we can engage each other to create a school culture that makes awesome kids without blaming each other.  Our schoolhouses can meet the needs of our staff, families, and most importantly, our students.  This is done by inviting people to the table and not excluding them.  Stop creating "others".

Cardboard Nostalgia

Like most people, I need a way to disconnect and give my brain and emotions some rest from my work.  Collecting cards again has become a form of therapy for me.  As a Gen Xer, I prefer the "old" stuff called Junk Wax.  It's not worth anything; it's very cheap, but the walk down memory lane is quite soothing.  I kept a large part of my childhood collection and have been adding to it with the cards I never had, which has become a lot of fun.

As I have reconnected with cards, I have been consuming social media groups and content to find some community with others like me.  Once I found it, I started posting shorts on YouTube.  A YouTube channel is a way to share this and be a part of the community.  Posting pack opening videos has been a lot of fun and a place where I do not see the ugliness from other parts of the internet.

Some creators do very well with engagement on these videos.  Personally, if I get 1,000 views per video, I'm pretty happy about it.  That tells me people are enjoying the same getaway that I am, with cards they are familiar with.  It's very rewarding.

A few months ago, I came across a pack of 1988 Donruss with Mark McGwire visible on the front of it.  I really wanted to keep it as a fun souvenir, but I also really wanted to open it. I polled the collectors of the internet, and they said to go ahead and open it because it is worthless.  😒 I held it for a while, but I eventually caved in and made a video of opening the pack.

1988 Donruss is a wildly unvaluable card set.  Some actually think the card design is ugly (it kinda is), and despite a few good cards, it is forgotten about until you post a video bringing it to life.  This one became one of my more popular videos because we all remember being kids and racing to a card shop or store to get a pack of cards for 40 cents.  Hoping desperately to find our favorite players inside.  This was how I connected with baseball when there was no internet.  You had the stats on the back of the card and the box score in the paper.

I think older people like old junk.  It reminds them of simpler times, good friends, and a time when the responsibility of adulthood was far from their minds.  Nostalgia can definitely be found on some cardboard.  Take some time to get your fix however you like.

You can see this video and many others at my YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@cassripspacks/shorts

A Lesson in Gratitude

I found myself caught off guard with a staff member recently, and I feel I need to explain myself.

At a training for my staff, our participants were asked to cross the room and ask someone what they are grateful for.  Showing gratitude has proven to be very good for your emotional health, and while this may make people uncomfortable, it is a worthwhile task.  I was visited by a teacher despite my being a facilitator.  I guess she didn't want me to feel left out.

She asked what I was grateful for.  This was an easy one.  I am thankful for my children.  Both are ending stages of their lives and starting new ones.  We feel fortunate to be blessed with our kids, even if they drive us nuts sometimes.  She followed up with what I was grateful for when it came to work.  This is where I faltered, and I could not answer confidently.

It's not as if I cannot find anything about my job or coworkers that I am not thankful for.  I have great students, accomplished teachers, and a cooperative school board, and we are pursuing goals that the district has not been able to reach in several years.  By all accounts, we are in great shape.  What I tried to explain in the 30 seconds the presenter gave us was that this line of work is difficult to stand back and admire your work and blessings.  Why?

The work of school is what Simon Sinek calls an infinite game.  A finite game has a defined start and end, like a football game or other contest.  When it is done, there is a winner and a loser, and the events of the game can be broken down and analyzed.  Infinite games are those that do not end, and the goal is to stay in the game as long as possible, building on every success.  People who work in schools understand that there are no finish lines, and even if you do well with a class, another one is waiting for you in the fall.  There will always be children to teach.  The goals of school districts and buildings are the same.  If you are doing the work well, you finish one project to feed the next, and so on.  Just as there are always kids to teach, they have to have facilities to come to.

I couldn't identify what I was grateful for immediately because that required being done and being able to reflect on how I got there.  When you are never finished, you can't do that.  I felt a bit of shame in my response to the teacher because I came off as unappreciative.  This is far from the case.  Agency is in the greatness of others, and all that our little school has accomplished is thanks to the work and patience of those who help me.

I think the lesson for me is that even if I never feel finished, I can appreciate all the steps along the way.  Lesson learned.  Showing gratitude can help me celebrate what is happening right now.  I feel that I need to make amends with my teacher by giving her a real answer.

I'm grateful for:

• Every high five, hug, or "good morning" my staff gives each kid when they walk in.
• All the training and professional growth my staff experiences every year.
• Every pair of shoes that we give to kids that either don't have any or have broken ones.
• "No questions asked" meals for kids who have nothing in their lunch boxes.
• All the behaviors we teach instead of punishing.
• All the sick days staff donate to other staff in need.
• Every time a teacher is moved to tears by a student's progress.

I hope this small list is a good start, and I will do better at recognizing my blessings.

We Can All Do Better for the Homeless

Recently, I stopped at a local gas station to fill up and get a soda.  It was a brisk 19 degrees outside when I arrived there at about 7:30 AM.  I went inside to the soda fountain and heard a strange commotion from the back room, where the door to the bathroom was.  I heard a woman declaring loudly that "this is not a halfway house or shelter."  Her comments were met with silence.  She was not in my line of sight, and I just assumed she was on the phone with someone.  Moments later, a man arose from the area, and I could determine that she was talking to him, and she was possibly the manager on shift.

By anyone's account, he was homeless.  He was wearing dirty, mismatched clothes, his physical appearance was not clean, and he was covering his head with an old, dirty blanket.  He was carrying a plastic bag and a gallon of milk.  

She continued to direct him out the door and began to shout while holding her cell phone in her hand.  She informed him that he was tresspassed from the store and that he could not use their bathroom to sleep.  From all of the back and forth between the clerk and the manager, I could determine that he snuck into the bathroom and had been sleeping in there for two hours.  The man never spoke, and it was obvious that he was ashamed and beaten down by the interaction. He left without any fuss and stood outside to determine his next move.

I understand the business's position on catching someone sleeping in their bathroom;  but there is always a place for dignity and decency for the homeless.  I minded my own business as I listened for any sign of compassion from the woman.  It never came.  I felt like she could have been less abrasive.  I felt like she could have offered to call someone for him.  I felt like she could have shown some kind of empathy.

What did I do?  I did nothing.  I paid for my drink and left.  He was still standing outside as I drove off.  I did none of the things that I thought the store manager should have done.  I have written and spoken extensively about poverty and how we can help the poor, but I have no personal experience with homelessness.  I don't know what to do or how to do it.  Just as he was ashamed, so was I.

My uneducated, narrow view of homelessness is this.  If a man or woman is reduced to sleeping on the street or in a gas station bathroom, every single support system that person depends on has failed in some way. This could be family, friends, social services, etc.  I get irritated when I hear someone say that homeless people should just get a job, as if that is the magic bullet to prosperity.  It is not, but it is a good start.  Entry-level jobs and blue-collar work that require no experience or training do not even provide a basic standard of living, even if you work full-time.  Many people doing this type of work still need SNAP and Medicaid to get by and raise their families.  Homeless people need much more than work.  They need belonging and a renewed sense of self.

I preach about leadership, but I showed none in this situation.  Leadership is only present when action is taken.  I kept my head down.  This is a violation of what I believe and of my faith.  I have no idea what I could have done or what was appropriate to do.  I just know I was another person not helping.

I want to take this opportunity to shout out to the non-profits that are taking action and making a difference, most notably, the West Frankfort Coalition for the Homeless.  This group is a task force seeking to find the causes of homelessness in the West Frankfort community and how to provide services to prevent homelessness.  Action is leadership, and I'm thankful for people working on these issues, even if I am not equipped to.  Keep up the good work, and I will do better.

The Forgotten Player

For school admins who work in secondary schools, this time of year is very busy. We have lots of ball games and events to supervise and for myself, I have a senior son playing basketball. I’m not complaining by any means. I love to watch the games and root for my kid and my students.

What I also find myself doing is watching and learning from coaches. A lot of different styles and philosophies walk through the doors and sometimes I am fascinated and sometimes I wonder how did that clown get a coaching job. There was a time when I was one of those clowns trying to get it all figured out. When I wrote Nine Ways to Make Awesome Kids, I devoted a chapter to coaching leadership and shared a story of the time I forgot a player. I’m not proud of it, but it is a good lesson. Here is that part of the chapter.

I was lucky enough to be hired as an assistant girls basketball coach in a neighboring school district when I was teaching. I say lucky because I had no reason being there. My skills at coaching softball were adequate, but basketball was not something I felt I could coach well. I was paired with a very knowledgeable head coach and my plan was to use my rapport with kids and what I would learn from her to get to the same adequacy level in basketball. Halfway through the season, this plan was working and I managed not to embarrass myself on a regular basis, just every once in a while.

What you should know about this particular group of kids is that the program was rebuilding and only twelve girls showed up to play. Seven of them were freshmen and only one senior. This is not a recipe for success at the high school level and it was quite a challenge for scheduling. Nevertheless, we kept a full junior varsity schedule and played a full varsity schedule with this small but dedicated group of young ladies. We even snuck in a couple of freshman games. We wanted to make sure this group of girls stayed together until the end, so we made sure to have opportunities for them to play together.

We chose two interesting opponents for these games. One was with a school much larger than us who we managed to beat. The other had a long winning tradition and we were very outmatched in talent and in numbers. Our kids were a little intimidated. The game was a back and forth affair with our girls stepping up to the challenge. It was probably the most aggressive I had been as a basketball coach to that point. With only seven girls, we had to play clean and be efficient with our possessions. With the game coming down to the wire, we were able to pull out a win. It felt like a big deal. So much so that their coach even chewed on me for bringing three varsity started to a freshman game. We could not help this with only seven freshman in the program. Their coach did not want to hear it and walked off from me. Coaching drama aside, our players and parents were riding on cloud nine. It was a glimpse into what this group of girls could be and it was exciting.

I always sat in the front of the bus so the girls could sing loudly and act silly on the rides home. This particular trip was different. Once we were on the road for a bit, the girls were all quiet except for one. I could hear her crying and it sounded as if she was talking to someone on the phone. Without making a scene, I tried to listen in and see who it was that was upset. Once I figured it out, I realized that out of my seven players tonight she did not play a single minute. I never put her in.

She was on the phone with her mom and when I stepped off the bus, mom let me have it. I deserved every second of it. No amount or style of apology was good enough for the conversation and I am completely to blame. I had no good excuse for this. This kid was a model teammate. While she was not as talented as the others, she was a hard worker and bought in to everything we were doing with the program. I didn’t keep her from playing, I just forgot about her. I was so busy trying to win a tough game (and help my credibility) that I forgot why we scheduled those freshmen games in the first place. It was for the development of that class of girls. I had failed the team and especially this kid miserably.

My job was to help make this group better. And by not playing this young lady, I did not help her get better as an individual player. I was more concerned about my interests. This is the opposite of a servant leader and I learned a valuable coaching lesson that night. I spent the rest of the season trying to repair what I had done to this kid. She returned the next season, but I did not. My first responsibility to my school district was softball and even though basketball is a winter sport, it was getting in the way of our activities. I resigned from that position, but I gained so much in that one season. Coaches, if you are a true servant leader, you will learn as much from your players as they learn from you. Read that again, twice. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about the future you create for your players. They may not all become Division One athletes, but they all can become servant leaders just like you.

You can purchase Nine Ways on Amazon and Barnes & Noble online.

Some Notes on Commencement

I recently had the pleasure of attending my daughter's college graduation.  We are now alumni of the same university.  Although I used to joke that she needed to attend Southern Illinois University at Carbondale to get the legacy tuition rate, the reality is that I am a proud graduate of SIUC and proud to be the father of a graduate of SIUC.  We both graduated from the College of Education, and she is ready to take on the world.

During commencement, the Chancellor asked all the first-generation college students to stand up.  These are the kids who are the first in their families to graduate.  Nearly half of the undergrads stood up.  I felt pride once more.  I was a first-gen student.  Back then, we were known as non-traditional college students.  I knew I would be standing proudly if it were my graduation, but I was secretly happy that my daughter did not have to stand for her's.

In my book, Leaving Poverty, I wrote a whole chapter about what college meant for me and how it was the single biggest factor in my social mobility.  Had I not finished college, statistically, neither would she.  I remember my wife and I showing her around the campus before she started.  I loved being a helping hand and passing down what I had learned to my second-generation college student.  She was already ahead of me at this same point in time, and this is what all fathers wish to see.

Despite the amount of pride I feel for her and what she is doing, I know that our pathways to college graduation were very different.  As a middle-class kid, my hope is that she sees her degree as important as I did coming from poverty.  My advice to her was very simple.

• No one can take your degree away from you.  You have earned all its rights and privileges.
• A degree can define you for life.  Even if you become a U.S. senator, you will still be a teacher by trade.  They will just insert the phrase "former teacher" in the captions on the news.
• Never view it as a piece of paper or simply a checklist item to become a teacher.  The degree represents the work and preparation needed to be a teacher.  You are now well-prepared to obtain your license and get to work.

None of that may seem earth-shattering, but any time I hear Go Southern Go, I feel pride in my institution and the life it has provided me by earning a degree.  I want her to feel the same pride, no matter where life takes her.  She may not be elected to the Senate, but she will be asked someday what it takes to be a teacher by an aspiring young person.  She will have to speak of her college experience before all other things.  I hope she has the same enthusiasm as I do.

A Tale of Two Threads

Let me be clear, I am a total nobody on Threads.  I have 76 followers, and that hardly makes me an influencer.  Recently, I had a moment that confirms how I feel about social media and the idea that the algorithms love division.

I jumped out of character and made a rare ornery post about a political commentator that I do not care for.  You can see the post and the engagement that I got in this screenshot.  The likes were staggering, and the comments were too much to keep up with.  Not bad for a guy with 76 followers.

With my newfound swag, I posted a fun little picture a couple of days later.  Crickets.  The last time I checked, this post had two views.  A far cry from going viral as I did a few days prior.

While this is a very small sample size for this little experiment, it reinforces something we all know, but do not always want to admit.  We just keep scrolling into this stuff.  I hate when I get this kind of content in my feed, so I feel a little bad that I did this for others.   

Social media elevates content that makes us mad or triggers us.  A podcaster I listen to accurately opines that sex no longer sells.  Rage does.  We all know it, and we all know it is bad for us and our relationships with others.  It has strained the discourse in the country dramatically.

What can we do?  Individually, not much, but collectively, we have to change our social media habits.  This is the only way to redirect the algorithms.  I know this is a hard sell, but we have to get out of the mess the same way we got into it.  You know, overconsuming the content that grinds our gears.

When I speak to my junior high students about online and social media safety, I tell them to create a new rule for themselves.  Use your socials for celebrations.  I show them screenshots of mine saying kind things about others or congratulating people I know.  Obviously, I will not be showing them the Scott Jennings post, but you get my drift.

Now is the time, my friends.  Let's change the way we social.

Accountability is Love

In nearly 25 years of working with kids, I've learned that they see the idea of accountability differently than we do.  When we ask someone to be accountable for their actions, we are asking them to take responsibility, be able to answer for themselves, and to accept some measure of disciplinary consequence.  Adults see this as necessary, and kids see this as torture.

Last year, I sat down with two fourth graders whom I had really taken a liking to.  Both are charismatic, forward with people, and very effective communicators.  I can see them being incredible young men by the time they get to high school.  Unfortunately, they were not using these powers for good.  They soon discovered that their skill sets could be used to enable others to act poorly.  They were not leading in a good sense.  They were leading others to entertain them.

One day during lunch, I had scolded them several times for their behavior.  Frustrated with myself, I held them afterwards to talk it over.  They asked why I was singling them out all the time.  They were shocked to hear me admit that I was.  I told them that I could see them becoming something special one day.  Because of this, I would be watching their every move, getting on to them, coaching them, and mentoring them.  I also told them that they had no say in the matter.  They accepted my position, and behaviors were fewer for the rest of the year.  This year, as fifth graders, they are slowly becoming what I had hoped for them, and our relationships are better.

When I wrote Nine Ways, I really needed parents, teachers, and coaches to understand that establishing trust through reliability meant that our kids needed to expect us to be their guardrails.  They should expect us to have a standard of conduct that reflects our values.  Their behaviors should reflect what we stand for.  When they don't, we need to look in the mirror.  Our kids are not tiny adults with adult capacity for decision-making.  We have to take action to get them there.

Unfortunately, over this same span of time, parents increasingly seem to see accountability as an uncomfortable exercise for themselves, but somehow really hate it when others do it for them.  Parents, let me hit you with a truth bomb.  Accountability is love.  When you hold your kids accountable for their behavior, you are showing them love.  When their teachers and coaches do it, they are showing their kids love.  Even if you disagree with an outcome, you have to recognize this simple truth.

Kids stop growing when adults stop trying.  Accountability isn't just love; it is essential.  As adults, we cannot fail at this.  We will create a generation of new adults who may disregard it altogether.  This is not good.

If we love our kids and value what they can become, we will practice accountability with them.

A Case Against Gentle Parenting

Social media really knows how to feed me content that is click bait for tired and fed up teachers.  I understand, because there is plenty to be fed up with.  One video really got me going though and it took me back to my newest book.

First, I do acknowledge that parenting across the generations can be quite different and that we should understand this before we criticize.  However, I am not a fan of gentle parenting.  I am a fan of parent leadership.  If you want to help your child's teachers, give this a read.

I offer the following excerpt from my book about relational leadership when it comes to parenting.

So, what is my overall strategy for being a relational leader as a parent?   You may not want to hear this but here we go.  Your children are not little versions of you.  Your children are not little adults that you get to hang out with.  Your children are not meant to be the fix to all of your mistakes.  Finally, your children will someday become their own people with their own kids.  Did you prepare them for that?  As we go through mentorship, trust, and empathy I hope that I can show you that our current notions of parenthood may be hurting our kids and our relationships with them.

What do I mean by this?  Children who are gently parented (I think this is how you would say this) will negotiate with their parents over just about everything until being told no is just a suggestion.  This is evidence that negotiations regularly take place and that the parents view their child as their equal.  You cannot be a leader of your children if you do not see them as a follower.  

Let me offer another about trust through reliability.

My challenge to you parent leaders is to take an inventory of your most repeated behaviors or reactions.  What do your kids trust you to do?  My son trusted me to have a high-speed come apart.  Initially, I was upset by this, but then I took an inventory. He has had his share, albeit very few, of butt chewings.  He was my student in one of my schools for a year and he knows that I’ve had to get loud with his classmates before.  He knows I have strong opinions about law, order, and respect.  Maybe I did give him a reason to think I would yell at him.  How about you?  If you heard your child talking about you while you weren't around, what would they tell people you freak out about?  

My goal for parents is to behave in a way that their kids trust them to react to situations in a certain way.  This is a very broad spectrum.  On one side of the spectrum, can they come to you with a personal problem and they know you will be a good listener.  On the other hand, if your kid gets pulled over by the police, does he trust that you will freak out on him and punish him?  Kids who are gently parented, trust their parents will be easily manipulated and negotiated with.  If you want to help your child (and their teacher), stop negotiating and build a set of parent leadership behaviors that they will come to expect without fail.

If you would like to learn more about parent leadership, find my book on Amazon at https://a.co/d/brokSnR  It is also available on Barnes & Noble.

A Power in Purpose

If you have teacher friends complaining that the COVID babies are struggling this year, believe them.  We have spent lots of time on addressing behaviors and figuring out triggers.  It's safe to say (and I will catch some grief for this) that our little people are coming to us screen-addicted, without structure, gently parented, and without some basic soft skills.  The result is a struggle to establish these things in a classroom setting and very poor behaviors are ensuing.

A very talented teacher came to me to talk this over.  She was overwhelmed and admitted to me that she prayed very hard each night that her students would behave each day.  She then said something that I know I will never forget.  She said she felt that God spoke to her during one of her prayers and reminded her that he was sending her to them because they needed her the most.  My mind was blown.

If we are being honest, regular people often see things from a victim's mentality.  Why is this happening to me?  What did I do to deserve this?  If you are a Christian, you should not.  We often ask why bad things happen to good people.  My pastor's answer for this is that God will always remind you that you should lean on him when times are bad.  We have to trust that God is placing us in positions to execute his purpose for us.  Even if it feels ugly.  Author Jon Gordon posted a graphic once that said, "God will often make you go through a life change so you will become someone who changes lives."  This seems to be the spirit of my discussion with this teacher.

I'm not known to be outwardly religious, but I am a Red Letter Christian.  What that teacher said to me was refreshing.  It reminded me of my purpose.  I have lots of hard days and deal with many challenging situations and people.  I was reminded that God placed me there for that purpose.  Teachers, God placed you in your classrooms to serve your students.  That service is stressful and emotionally draining (preaching to the choir), but it is what Christ asks of us.  "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many."

If you are in a classroom teaching or serving as a paraprofessional, I truly believe that you are part of the one percent of the population that can actually do this work.  Many will try to how to do your job, but you are special, so keep your head up.  God sent you to your students and your communities.  I feel a sense of honor in this work because it was a powerful purpose given to me by God.  This makes my purpose not just service to others as Christ would want, but I'm following the plan that God has for me.  Even if there are bad days.

Teacher friends, it's going to be okay.  Understand the power of your purpose and know you are important to your students and your co-workers.  If they didn't have you, who might they end up with?  Trust God's plan.

It Ain't Easy Being Purple

Your civics teacher should have taught you at some point that George Washington was not a fan of political parties.  In fact, in his farewll address, he said, " However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion."

How is it that all those years ago, he could see into the future and know what damage this would cause?  He was actually concerned about the hearts of men and what they are capable of.  He didn't need ChatGPT to get a grasp on this.

All the red state, blue state stuff is a movement away from what we are supposed to be.  A purple country.

Recently, there has been a race on both sides to redistrict congressional maps to help create red or blue states.  Some say that it's because Republicans can't win enough seats on their own.  Others say that Democrats have to play this game to win back much-needed seats.  I say both sides are trying to vote for you instead of you voting for them.  This was not the intention of the founding fathers, but rather the power grab of, see above, "cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men."

I am a moderate Democrat who has voted for many Republican candidates in the past.  It's not difficult to look at your candidates and select who you think would be most effective for that particular office.  Being purple means you can dismiss the cults of personality and see your candidates and their views for what they actually are.

It ain't easy being purple these days.  Those cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men know how to separate us and convince us that government isn't about actually governing, but about whose ideas make you the most angry.

Government was meant to work for the people.  Government is about service, and if the shutdown fiasco is teaching us anything, it's that we, the people, are no longer part of the equation.  If we want to be the change, we have to think purple in the voting booth.  It's the only way to send the message.  Being purple means we can take the best parts from both sides and select politicians who will do the same for us when they are in office.

I know this means having to admit that the other side might be right sometimes, and that will be hard for many.  But it also means that we are capable of electing people who are willing to serve.  This is what Washington and our other founding fathers were after all those years ago.

Failing Forward

 

This was the scene at a local library not too long ago.  I was asked to come and promote my new book, Nine Ways to Make Awesome Kids.  I had visited this library for a similar event for my first book.  It was well attended and generated some great conversation.  For this one, no one showed.

This is not the only failure I'm realizing with this project.  To date, it has only sold three copies on Amazon and zero copies on Barnes & Noble.  I have given away ten copies.  The Facebook page I created to stimulate conversation around the book was shuttered very quickly due to low participation, despite paying for boosts and ads.  I even created a wide variety of Reels to share on Instagram and Facebook.  My hopes of creating a podcast around the book also faded when I could not find a suitable co-host.  The gears just never got turning.

I might accept these failures, but I am not happy with them.  I had two offers to publish this book, but I declined them because I did not want to pay a share of the investment to get it off the ground.  Maybe I should have, but I wanted to keep full control of my work.  So why am I telling you this?

Writing a book is hard folks.  When you have something to say and start outlining a project, you go into a strange state of flow that you never experienced when being forced to write in high school or college.  You know, back when you desperately just tried to get to the word count for a paper.  This is different.  You might take an hour to write one sentence or spend an hour writing ten pages.  It's hard to explain the self doubt you may have over one single line but you will stare at it endlessly until it makes sense.  

There is really no money in this, unless you write for a living.  I do not, but I feel I have a set of experiences and a perspective that I think people might want to read about.  So when I see that the book is not selling, I am only discouraged that the message I'm sending is not being received.  You want the work you put in to be read and taken to task.  This is how ideas are exchanged and new ideas take hold.  I truly feel Nine Ways has a place in our current state of parenting and teaching.  Not everyone feels the same it seems.

I've already been asked if I plan on writing another book.  My response is that I am not even thinking about it.  To many, it seems like writing a book is like running a marathon.  Once it's done, it is done and then you stand back and say, "Look what I did."  This is not the case for authors.  You want the work to be read and to endure and when it's not, you can't help breaking it down and being critical of yourself.

Failure is part of this game and I will lick my wounds and go on.  The idea is to always fail forward towards something better and I will keep trying to do that.  The good news is that I have a day job to fall back on.

You can purchase Nine Ways at https://a.co/d/8MwyWaS

You can purchase Leaving Poverty at https://a.co/d/bfxuWb3

Rage Sells Thanks to Section 230

 I taught high school civics many moons ago and with out sounding too grandiose, it was one of the best parts of my professional life.  Kids come in with a notion of our freedoms that is inspiring, but you have to help them pump the brakes and learn the rules.  This is especially true with the freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech is back in the headlines after the high profile murder of Charlie Kirk.  With the Trump administration on high alert, they have taken aim at journalists and network news.  People on both sides are fired up and making every attempt to blame the other.  If I'm being honest, both sides share blame for the direction of political discourse in our country.  The cynic in me would like to point out that politicians are part of a larger brand (Democrat or Republican) and not service oriented as we elect them to be.  This is why we see them voting party lines, even at the local level.  They have to maintain the brand so they can keep base voters.  To keep base voters, they must rely on their coverage in the media and what kind of engagement they get online just as if they were selling a product.

This I where I want to jump in.  Our lives online have gotten out of control.  Professor Scott Galloway recently said that sex no longer sells. Rage is now how you get engagement with a brand.  A great micro example is the Sydney Sweeney controversy with her jeans ad.  The ads were not revealing by today's standards, but revealing that she is a Republican was troubling for many for some strange reason.  The play book is that if you can gin up enough outrage, people will follow you.  The problem with this is that we re hurting ourselves and each other because of it.

How many of you have heard of Section 230 of the Communications Act?  It may not be important to you, but it is wildly important to social media companies.  The law and subsequent court decisions holds that the social media company is not liable for content that is published by its users.  It only says they have to make good faith effort to moderate.  As we know, moderation is often left to the users and this is not a workable system for those who lack self control.

When I left Twitter, their in-app moderation tools were failing and I was continually getting hateful content that I was trying to eliminate from my feed.  I leave and move to Treads where I was inundated right away with content about how bad teachers are and why everyone should be homeschooled.  Rage does indeed sell.  The engagement on these posts was astonishing.  I have never really been able to produce that kind of engagement on my own by sending positive vibes.

If we want to make a difference for ourselves and our children in the area of free speech, we have to take a bigger look at Section 230 and why it needs to go away.  While politicians are pointing fingers to protect their voting base, a young man is being radicalized online and planning a violent act against someone or themselves.  This is what we have learned from recent mass shootings and high profile murders.  The shooters political ideologies are not solid, but they were all radicalized against their targets on social media or in the gaming world.  Why would we not eliminate Section 230 and spare ourselves from this?

This also requires effort on our part.  If rage sells, we have to stop participating.  The social media companies make money hand over fist because we allow it.  This is why 230 has no chance of going away.  The ad money they make from us goes to lobbyists to protect the company's interest.  We have a part to play to protect ourselves and the mental health of our children.  What is stopping us?

There's a saying that your rights end where the next man's nose begins.  When it comes to free speech, the next man's nose is very bloody right now and no one should not be okay with it.  Take a look at your own behavior, the content your kids are consuming, and be vocal about the things that matter most.  Not the protection of your feelings, but the hate we let in as we mindlessly scroll social media.  We have to take control over this.  Eliminating 230 is only a start, we have to do the rest.

The Catch 22 Known as Social Media

 I, like many, enjoy social media.  In fact, I've always had a bit of a system.  My Facebook account is used for family and friends, Twitter is used for professional connections, and Instagram Reels keep me belly laughing.  It's a simple life that has always worked for me.  I keep my feeds clean of any nonsense and unfriend/unfollow people if I need to.  Until recently I can say that it's been a good experience.

A couple of weeks ago I left Twitter. I joined almost 12 years ago to expand my professional network of school administrators.  My activity did just that.  I connected with admins across the state and participated in professional discussion and outreach.  My tweets got some engagement and my engagement with other school admins served me as professional development.  This changed in the last few years.  My feed became dominated by negativity, obvious manufactured news stories, and an onslaught of disdain for teachers and schools as institutions.  I hear people say they feel their mental health gets damaged by social media and I have now begun to understand what that means.

Between some acquaintances and a couple of podcasters I listen to, Threads has emerged as a good alternative to X.  I connected my account through Instagram and dove right in.  It was immediately nicer than X and I was caught off guard by a simple white screen and no ads.  I few posts in, I posted the following:

The next day, the teacher apathy began flowing through my feed despite the tone of this post.  Constant doubting of the profession, calling out teachers, and teachers complaining about their schools were all in the mix.  That old feeling crept back in.  I began to scroll fast through what I saw as negative posts and wasn't finding much to be interested in.

I decided to take control of my feed.  I posted a positive celebratory message and thankfully it got a respectable amount of engagement.  Until I saw the first comment.

I tell other people to be the good they want to see and that the grass is greener where they water it and yada yada.  That is not going to work on this particular individual.

If we have yet to figure this out, social media is a catch-22.  We can blame the algorithms for what is fed to us and that would be fair.  But those algorithms have to have the content to feed us and that falls back on us.  If we only post our grievances, it will be used against us, and complaining is something we are really good at.

As I learn to use this platform and its filtering, I will still keep posting the positives.  I feel truly blessed to work in education and I know not everyone feels that way.  The least we can do is reach out to those struggling and help them serve their kids while helping themselves.  Social media is a catch-22 and cannot be our therapy.

More Than a Crown

 Warning: Dad Brag Post

About a year ago I was sitting in the Benton Civic Center watching something that I thought I would never be a part of.  My daughter, Makane, entered the Princess Flame Scholarship Pageant as part of the Old King Coal Festival.  Being her first pageant I think we had no expectations for her to win, but we did want her to try her best as we always do.  When they called her name as the 2023 Miss Princess Flame at the end of the evening, I went from "Who cares about pageants anyway?" to "Holy crap my kid just won!" in a split second.

After a year of being Princess Flame, she retired her crown last night.  I have to say (and not because I'm her dad), she wore that crown well.  During the course of that year, she did all the things that pageant winners do.  She rode in parades, did the speaking engagements, and visited special events like the Veterans Honor Flight all in service to Old King Coal and the community of West Frankfort.  Something else was also happening.

She also used the title to serve.  (This is where the dad brag comes in.)  She started the Building Leaders Project with two very worthy activities.  She collected over 250 books through donations to give to the Saint Louis Children's Hospital.  She also coordinated an art supply drive for the Night's Shield Children's Shelter in West Frankfort.  To say that we are proud of her for using her crown in service to others is an understatement.  Over the years, she has made us very proud in a variety of ways. Now as she has become a young woman this is the kind of pride in her that I'm looking for.  

Parents, I hope we are looking for the same thing out of our children.  When given a big opportunity, what will our kids do with it?  Will they check it off the list and merely say, "Look what I did that one time."?  Or will they see the chance to do something that leaves an impact?  As our kids get older, it is important to encourage them to serve but to also set the standard for service.  I snapped this picture last night to hopefully remind her that with her effort, the next Princess Flame will want to meet the standard set forth or even better, exceed it.  I'm confident that Makane set a high bar and for that, I could not be prouder.

Makane, thank you for representing your crown and Old King Coal the way you have.  You have set the standard for the next young lady and the next and so on.  Congratulations on your reign and though I am not ready to call myself a pageant dad, I am always proud to be called your dad.  Your mother and I are very blessed.  You are more than any crown you might wear. 

Local Tax Referendums Matter

Election day is upon us again and we often lament on the candidates we get to choose from, but we also get to answer Yes or No to local tax referendums.  I know, we are taxed to death and nobody likes those taxes raised.  Don't just answer No because of the price tag.  These are important issues.  Oddly, the two most important referendums to me will not be on the ballot where I live this election.

The first, and most important to me, is the building referendum for Bethel Grade School where I am the proud Superintendent/Principal.  It will be difficult to hide my bias here, but we have to replace a 108-year-old wing of our building.  It can no longer be maintained and it is cost-prohibitive to fix.  Our current plan is to replace that wing and put it in a different spot on the property to ensure it does not suffer the same fate as the old wing.  We will also be renovating our gym and adding a new lobby, bathrooms, and concession stand.  This will be a big deal for our little school.  In all the conversations I've had, our community wants this, but there will still be those who will focus on the price tag and miss the big picture.  

The second is the West Frankfort Park.  Officials are asking to raise their debt limit to help keep the park running including the Aquatic Center which has become a nice attraction to the park over the years.  More than 100 people use the Aquatic Center each day for a variety of activities.  Look beyond that and you will find a beautiful area that offers so much to the community.  The playgrounds are exceptional, the grounds are well-kept, and you can catch a ballgame almost year-round.  I've read that there has not been a tax increase for this purpose since 1996.  Still, there is a contingent that sees only the price tag.

Here is my plea,  I know it costs money and not all of us can afford it.  However, if we want nice things for our kids, their kids, and so on, we have to pay for them.  When our state or federal income taxes go up, we often have no idea where that money is going.  I think we can all agree that those dollars do not always go where we would like them to.  When a local taxing body asks for an increase for something that we see and use every day, we should be excited.  We can see that progress and can be proud of what our communities can do for their members.  Don't be afraid to vote for a tax increase that you can see working for you directly.

I've done a lot of research in my own effort to pass the Bethel Referendum.  When I looked back on referendum questions in Jefferson County I found that even though statewide tax questions were overwhelmingly voted down, local more community-based tax questions were passing almost 2 to 1.  That tells me that people get it.  It is easier to vote yes, the more local it is.  These local tax referendums matter and please do not feel that a Yes vote is a difficult choice.  Vote for your local needs on Tuesday.

Famous Enough for Now

 

A really cool thing happened after my son's basketball game last night.  As he was walking up to us as we waited to leave, a little guy with a small basketball approached him and asked him for his autograph.  I'm sure this took him by surprise and he did give a big grin afterwards.  As we followed this little guy around he was finding as many of our players as he could to get their autographs on his ball.  While this was an episode of cuteness for our group, it confirmed to me what I have been telling student-athletes for a long time.  

As a school leader, I try really hard to help student-athletes understand why they need to behave and always be the best versions of themselves.  No matter what, somebody wants to be what they are.  To a 13 or 15-year-old kid, this doesn't make sense.  They don't feel famous enough to be asked for an autograph, but to a 6 or 7-year-old kid, they are everything they want to be.  This kid can't wait to be old enough to wear that uniform and take their shots on the floor of the great Max Morris Gym.  For this reason, it is important for our student-athletes to be great role models.  They help grow the next group of kids that can't wait to be them.

It happens that middle and high school kids have to be disciplined or removed from teams.  They lose playing time because they break team rules.  Sure these rules exist for management of the team and to ensure fairness, but I say it is more than that.  It makes sure the kids have guardrails to help them be the best version of themselves.  Our little guys need to see this.  They might watch the pros on TV, but our student-athletes are what they get to see in person and have access to.  They may dream of being in the NBA, but today they want to be a high school basketball player just like our sons and daughters.  We have to help our kids see that they are vital to this mission and even just their presence means the world to some little kid.

Adults, we are not off the hook.  The next time we catch ourselves complaining about our work or burdens, there are some people who wish they had our burdens instead of theirs.  We have to be good role models too and understand our blessings.

Who knows, maybe someday my son will be asked for his autograph because he's rich and famous.  Today, some little kid asked because he gets to wear our school colors and play on the floor he hopes to play on.  He and his teammates are important to this kid and that is famous enough for now.

X - Twitter User?

Calm down.  I don't plan to bash Elon Musk.  I'm not overly impressed with him and I think he just might be another rich person who doesn't know how to stay in their lane.  It's funny when you hear a pro athlete get vocal about a social issue, they are told to shut up and play ball.  Now the shoe is on a different foot.  Mr. Musk needs to be quiet and fix Twitter.

When he bought the platform, I was instantly worried.  In the end, I figured that he was a successful businessman and he should be able to make it work.  The opposite has happened.  Since his involvement, Twitter has lost users, advertisers, and money.  He recently blasted advertisers for what he called holding the platform hostage for ad money.  Not to mention he fired us all up with rebranding it to X, a move I still cannot settle with.

To be fair, I am no social media expert and I have no idea how to right the ship.  I am the "Joe Six Pack" of this universe and my personal experience is what really counts to me.  I joined Twitter in 2012 at the urging of my then-superintendent, Greg Goins.  I wasn't really excited about this.  I was a Facebook guy and that was plenty to keep up with.  I could see myself creating an account and never scrolling through it.  However, Dr. Goins was on to something.  This space was a great place to network with other school administrators.  I enjoyed it and really took my account seriously.

I'm no influencer, but I had a decent engagement to Tweets and I could count on some kind of response to anything I tweeted.  Again, I was staying in my school admin lane but I did branch out and gained more followers and started following more influential people.  I really liked this momentum and I began creating blog content and Tweeting it.  I was on cruise control for several years.

When Elon Musk took over I began to call it the era of the blue check.  Almost immediately this little icon no longer symbolized a verified identity.  It signified a subscription.  This is when my Twitter activity began to slow down.  I don't pay for my little blue check mark, but my Twitter behavior has not changed.  I Tweet the same types of things, hashtag, and tag people just like always.  Overnight I saw my small amount of engagement shrink to nearly nothing.  The growth of my professional network began to slow also.  

In an effort to enjoy Twitter again, I began following sports card collectors to help nurture a hobby of mine.  Still yet, the connections do not feel organic, they feel driven by the check marks of many colors.  In fact, I am now being solicited more than ever to pay to play.  This was waiting on my feed for me just yesterday.  I can pay for reply prioritization.  Seems like the content should drive the platform and not paid prioritization, but hey I'm just a Joe Six Pack.

I don't know yet if I will soon be an ex-Twitter user.  I do know that I will use it a lot less and it is already a low priority for me when I post something.  Maybe Musk will sell off the company and it can see the good ole days again.  That might be the only way he can fix Twitter, X, or whatever the young kids call it these days.  I dare not hope for too much.

Stand for the Pursuit

I get to stand for the anthem a lot.  I mean a lot a lot.  Between my ball games, my kid's ball games, and family ball games, I might stand for the national anthem up to 2 or 3 times a week for four months during basketball season.  I even have a favorite spot to stare at on the flag.  It's the star closest to the middle of the whole flag.  I have a favorite anthem.  It's the gospel rendition by the Gaither Vocal Band.  I play it at all of the games that I work.  Give it a listen.

When I stand for the anthem I might notice those not standing, but it does not bother me.  I can't speak for or judge people's relationship with our nation.  I definitely understand mine.  The flag is a symbol that means different things to different people.  When I stand for the flag I see a continuum that seems to be open-ended.  The stripes represent our thirteen colonies and the stars represent our fifty states.  When you look at this as a storyline, our journey between these places in time, a lot is being said here.

From our beginnings as colonies to now, our nation has seen many ups and downs.  Despite this, we continue on.  The framers of the constitution designed this experiment to never be finished.  Our country is designed to endure and regardless of how ugly our history has been, we move the needle in the pursuit of happiness.  I know that the needle moves differently for some, but it does move.  I stand in respect to recognize our nation's pursuit but also I'm aware that our nation is not perfect.  This nation is mine and I will chase perfection with her.  That is why I stand.

I know that people really get upset about this and those reasons are not lost on me.  One might say a service member fought and died for the flag and you should stand for it.  That is a fair statement.  A veteran might tell you that he/she fought so you have the freedom to not stand, and that's also a fair statement.  Either way, standing or not standing is dependent upon your relationship with your country.  If you feel connected, you will stand.  If you feel disenfranchised, you might not.

Because I understand my relationship with my country, you can stand or sit during the anthem.  I really don't care.  If given the task of convincing people to stand if they don't, I would simply say that you should stand.  Stand as a cheerleader for our nation in her chase to form a more perfect union, the pursuit of happiness and to secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.  This is what the founders were chasing and they left it to us to finish the chase.