The 10:1 Rule Remastered

I used to do speaking engagements and professional development on serving low-income students.  One of the ways I encouraged my attendees to make emotional deposits into their students is the 10:1 rule.  The rule is that you have to say ten positive things to a student for every one criticism or negative thing that has to be said.  This can be tough to do, and I often found myself pushing to get all my ten positive comments in.  I never saw this as disingenuous because it pushed me to engage with my students who I knew needed it.  Remember what Rita said, "Kids don't learn from people they don't like."

I also applied this rule to coaching.  I was lucky enough to coach softball and girls basketball as a younger man.  I haven't coached anything in ten years, and now I have found myself on the field again as a volunteer assistant softball coach for my school's junior high team.  I'm going to be selfish and say that being in this role has made me feel young again.  I turned 50 this year, and when I'm with our team, I do not feel 50.  It’s only afterwards, when I am looking for the Tylenol.  

If you're a coach, you know that the best thing about coaching is the kids.  Sadly, I still hear some coaches blame phones and travel teams for kids not joining school teams.  That's not a problem with the 10:1 rule.  When you are upbeat, encouraging, and focused on player success, they return that enthusiasm to you.  This unique relationship is what keeps kids participating, and to see them light up when they learn a new skill or overcome what they saw as an obstacle is quite intoxicating.

Ten years later, the 10:1 rule and the relationships it creates make all the other noise go away.  Kids are free to work on themselves and work for their teammates.  They are eager to ask for feedback and love to stay for extra swings.  Coaches, the environment you create keeps players around and, most importantly, engaged.  I've heard it said over and over that kids don't quit teams; they quit coaches.  I wish this weren't true, but my experiences have led me to believe this.

For now, I will keep working on my personal goal of the 10:1 rule.  I know some days I will not get there, but I will always be making myself better so my players can be better.