Let's Prevent Tragic Stories

I usually get motivated to write in this little blog because something is going in the world that frustrates or challenges me.  Its easy to get motivated under those conditions.  Today I sit here inspired to teach and maybe inspire someone else to teach as well.

As I was scrolling Twitter, I found an article that caught my eye.  This is significant because Twitter has been serving as my information stream during our school funding and budget crisis lately.  Maybe amidst the mess God decided to remind me of the real reason I work with kids.  The story was about a young lady convicted of involuntary manslaughter after encouraging her former boyfriend to kill himself via text message.  What we see here is taken life and two families destroyed.  The gist of the post was what the legal ramifications were for this scenario and will new legislation be spurred on from the conviction.  I would like to encourage anyone reading this to click the link above and read this very powerful post.  It is geared towards parents and it will encourage you to think.  Honestly, this is not a new situation to me.  Electronic encouragement of suicide happened many times this past school year.

It may not be popular for a school principal to admit that his students have engaged in this behavior.  The closed minded person has already mentally asked themselves, "What is the school doing about this?"  To answer that question, the action that can be legally taken by the school greatly depends on the facts of the case.  If your kids argue online, call names and eventually threaten each other with violence, that is not school's area of jurisdiction.  The only way a school can discipline students for off campus behavior is if there is a nexus to the school.  99% of the time there is no nexus to the school building.  These types of incidents are almost always reported to the school.  I appreciate when students or parents share with me on situations concerning student safety.  Regardless of school action or legal authority, the school can monitor or help students on both side of the issue.  The goal at my school has always been to help students through these situations and to encourage kids to help each other if they feel someone is in trouble.  The discussion, however, will eventually lead to calling a student a bully and demanding action against the kid using disparaging language.

This is where I would like to challenge US as parents as we navigate though tough pre-teen and teenage years.  We often demand action against a bully because we want an avenue to free our child from accountability or responsibility.  The reality is, most people do not understand the actual nature of bullying but thanks to popular opinion and media coverage it is now a tool for the angry parent.  Our real goal for our kids should be to teach them how to fix broken relationships.  Instead, we instantly seek out who the winners and losers are in the situation.  There were no winners in the above story, trust me.  We have to work on the skills it takes to help our kids build real and genuine relationships with other kids and how to fix it if they break.

Students use language like "Go Kill Yourself!" for a number of reasons.  In my 15 years as an educator here are some reasons I have observed:

• These students have a massive problem with rejection or failure.
• These students have little to no sense of empathy.
• These students have little patience for others who might be different from them.
• Many of the kids I speak to about this feel simply apologizing makes it all go away.
• Some of these kids will remark that these are just words, so what the big deal?

There is intervention for this but it will take all of us to make a difference.  That means every person in a child's life can and should make a difference.  Let's start with some basics:

• Failure and rejection are a normal part of life and should be seen as part of the growth process.
• When your kid wants to talk about a rough situation at school, discuss all the people involved and how the situation might be affecting them.
• Encourage your kids to interact face to face when solving an issue with a friend.  No electronics!
• Re-enforce that your kid is part of a larger world and process that requires them to participate in their own problem solving.  They are not the center of the world, they are a small part of it.

I'm no child psychologist but I have held hundreds of conversations with kids, parents and professionals that care about the development of kids.  Overtime, I have come to embrace the idea of restorative justice and providing kids with tools they can use for the rest of their lives.  Thankfully, we have not been impacted with a tragic story like the one above but we can all help prevent it.  We should learn from stories and they should motivate and inspire us to do something better.  I will make the effort with my kids and my school kids.  How about you?  We can all help prevent tragic stories like this one.