Children are not Pizzas

I had a disagreement with a parent a few days ago.  Her child was threatened with a fight after school and she contacted me to take care of it.  When I suggested that I would talk to both boys and see what is going on with them, she became confused.  I explained that I would talk to all parties involved, see if they had a problem that day and discuss their responsibility for the situation accordingly.  She became offended and felt that I had suggested her child was at fault.  At that point, she became very upset and began to to tell me that my school was terrible and that everyone she knows thinks that I do not take action when it comes to student fights at school.  She further explained that her child would not be returning to the school.  I have thick skin and can handle a personal attack from an unhappy parent but if you really care about what you do, you will reflect on your practice and be mindful of what you are doing.  Even if you think the other party is wrong.

This parent didn't want to find out what was going on and how she could help her child.  She wanted customer service.  She wanted me to punish the other child simply because she called first.  Sometimes I feel like these situations are perceived as an incorrect pizza order.  Fix my pizza for free or I will never order from you again.  The reality is that children are not pizza.  I take a very careful approach to these scenarios because their personal development is at stake.  I talk to all parties involved, witnesses, and watch surveillance video all in an effort to not only find a guilty party but also to help those involved avoid future troubles.  It sometimes also happens that disciplinary action is different for each person involved based on their responsibility in the situation.  I may not have a classroom but I am a teacher.  These are moments that you can teach valuable lessons and gain student trust.  It is labor intensive but is it always worth it.

I stumbled across an artifact from the past that put my mind at ease.  I was cleaning out an old filing cabinet and I found a student handbook from 1980.  When I was in principal school (SIUC) we were taught that handbook language is a primary way to communicate to our families the value system of our school buildings.  Using this lens I had to thumb through it.  Low and behold, there was a section on fighting and harassment.  And here we thought bullying and aggression was a new thing.

As it turns out, things were done basically the same way in 1980.  The core message seems to be that fighting is not okay and problems will be handled on a case by case basis.  This also leads me to believe that they dealt with a lot of fights back then.  I do not even have a fighting section in my handbook.  It is simply mentioned as a prohibited behavior.  There is more language related to conflict resolution and restorative practices then there is about fighting.  When this mom tells me that my school is horrible maybe she is wrong.  School discipline has come a long way.  This handbook only mentions detention and suspension as disciplinary consequence even though paddling was allowed back then.  Now, suspension is discouraged unless we make efforts to intervene on the behavior.  I think this is the right approach because children are not pizzas.

Because the conversation with this mom was so heated, I failed to ask her what she thought was appropriate response to what turned out to be much less intense then she reported.  Surely she had an idea in mind of how I should respond because she didn't like the response that I gave.  By threatening to pull her kid out of my school, she was seeking customer service and satisfaction despite my offering to work on the kids and how to move on.  I think people do not understand our role as chief disciplinarian.  We live and work with these kids everyday in a unique school community that is comprised of students, teachers, and staff.  We all have to get along, learn from our mistakes and I expect everyone to grow in their role in the school.  If we don't do this, the school climate suffers and real learning does not occur.  The result would be a horrible school as this parent suggests.  This is why children can not be treated like pizzas.