Chronicles of a Free Lunch Kid (Part 4)

More than 1 in 5 kids (22%) in the United States live below the federal poverty line.  In my school district it is 2 out of 3.  This means that I have the abiltiy to reach out to many students and their families in way that I was not.  This also means that my own children will interact with many classmates that struggle with poverty.  My influence is two-fold and there is special responsibility here.

My parenting perspective is sometimes conflicted.  Being raised poor does create some values that I don't think middle or upper class people understand.  My experience is statistically rare.  Children who are raised poor are most likely to remain poor.

I realize that most parents look at their kids and see that they are different than them and raised different than them.  That is amplified for me.  My daughter, who is now 12,  had more possessions at six than I had my whole childhood and into early adulthood.  Supporting the notions about possessions Dr. Payne writes about.  She takes pride in her things and is always wanting more things.  Of course I'm slow to play along because my instinct is to provide the extras less so she will value them more like I did.  At 12 I had a paper route to help pay the bills and the little money I kept, I saved up to buy "normal" stuff.  It was a great day when I could buy a nice pair of shoes.  It was a little token to identify with a status that I actually didn't belong to.  I was just trying to look "normal".  My kids have closets of nice shoes, most of which do not get worn.  Those are things to them that have no value because they are just shoes.  They might find a great pair that they really like, but they are for specific purpose such as for basketball or to go with a certain dress or outfit.  I bought shoes to create an identity that might throw people off the fact that we couldn't afford any good shoes. 

I tell my kids all the time that I didn't have nice things when I was a kid in hopes they might show some humility towards their nice things.  There is a small part of me that loves it though.  They have the life that I had no concept of as a free lunch kid.  I'm happy that they will not have to see the world as narrowly as I had to.  My seven year old son actually pays attention to political candidates and we talk about it.  I knew who President Reagan was because we used to call government cheese, Reagan cheese.  My daughter and I began talking about colleges when she was in 6th grade.  I lived within 20 miles of a college and a university and had no clue they were there when I was in sixth grade.  They have the exact opposite childhood that I had and I am I am happy about that.  My struggle is how do I parent in a way that they that they can be middle class kids that can embrace and understand all other kids regardless of their income level?

I think the simple answer to this is by my example.  I don't make jokes about or speak badly about folks that don't have much.  I make sure to speak only of  their character and their worth.  Early this last school year my daughter told me about a couple instances in class where students were held back from participating in things because of money.  I seized the moment and quickly told her that she should never fault another kid because of the position they are in.  "It's not their fault." I told her, "and don't treat them any different than the day before."  I encourage her to play with anyone who wants to play with her.  My hope is that in her unguarded moments she sees value in people despite their background.  She sees me interacting all types of kids in the halls after school.  I treat no student different than the other.  She will be attending my building next school year and with luck her observations of my example are enhanced.

I never called my grandmother my grandmother, she was my mom.  Remember teachers, relationships count.  That's why you have a lot of students that will tell you they have a million cousins and you know better.  When I was awarded Principal of the Year recently, I blogged about how my mom would be over the moon for me.  She was always excited about me going to college and even more excited when I began teaching.  She passed away before I became an administrator but I can imagine her delight if she was around to hear that news.  I'm sure she was experiencing what I am with my kids, extreme pride with a pinch of cautious optimism.  I grew beyond her raising of me and reached my full potential.  With the right effort, my kids will do the same.

There is so much to say on this topic for a guy like me.  Free lunch kids are not data to be addressed, they are people that need and want to feel valued.  That kid in your class does not realize the things he does that might drive you crazy are the undeveloped skills that might him successful.  That free lunch kid on your child's ball team would not feel quite so socially defeated if your son or daughter offered to play catch with them.  That kid you didn't pay attention to in high school because there was no social gain from being seen with them, might just end up being your kid's principal.  

I honestly have no idea if I have accomplished what I have set out to communicate.  I just know that I am the sum of the relationships I've made and the investments people have made in me.  When I experience any type of success, I feel indebted to so many people especially to my wife.  When we met I lived in a one room shack of an apartment working two jobs.  On the surface I had nothing to offer, but she knew better and I'm glad she did.

Thank you for sticking with this rambling but it was time to let it out.  If you know a free lunch kid, I hope you see them through a different set of lenses.  If you are a free lunch kid, I hope you feel encouraged.