Don't Buy Me A Grill

According to the ads, all the retailers know what us dads want for Father’s Day. We want grills and tools. The truth is I don’t really want anything. I just want my kids to keep a promise.


Recently I have had the cute yet awkward moment with my kids when they tell me that they want to be just like me. My response to both was “don’t be like me, be better than me.” This is an awkward conversation because I immediately recalled all the mistakes I had made in my life and toes I had stepped on and I surely hope they have an easier path to happiness than I had. It’s cute because they do not have a clue how far ahead of me they actually are when I was their age. When they need a pair of shoes, we go get a pair of shoes. I had to save up paper route tips for a while.

I grew up fatherless, with my grandmother dirt poor living off of food stamps and Reagan cheese (you know, government cheese). I made the joke to my daughter that we were so po that we couldn’t afford the O and the R. She still doesn’t get it and I’m glad. What she also doesn’t get, but she will, is that I am now richer than will ever be because I am her father. You see, people from generational poverty find their wealth in people and not material things. Middle class values are great to pass on but for people have experienced the social mobility that I have, it’s hard to be a parent but it is truly rewarding to raise my new middle class kids. In a way I have hit the lottery twice and it pays out daily. It is now my responsibility to help them keep the promise.

The promise is, be better than me. I do what I do with what I have, but it is my job to see that my kids realize their potential and take advantage of every opportunity. My daughter played school in my building every day when she came over this year and I always joked that she was going to law school instead. The truth is it is flattering and I know I have made some type of an impact on my kids. That is the goal of any parent. Don’t buy me a grill, just keep the promise each day.