The Social Emotional Playbook

Being a junior high/middle school principal is tough.  In my building I am basically on my own when it comes to the social emotional struggles we face.  I do have a very good social worker once a week and we do get help from a local company with mental health issues.  These are for extreme cases though and the daily battle of handling conflict and issues the right way is time consuming.  For instance, to tackle a rumor that is going around that may be causing a student headaches at school can take the form of interviewing lots of kids until you whittle it down to the two that are actually having problems in hopes of helping them resolve their situation.  If you care about your students and handle this process with sincerity, it can help them learn how to handle these things in the future and keep the peace among your students.  The investment is always worth it in some way.

What I have caught myself saying over the years, especially to 8th grade students, is that they need to have learned the "playbook" by now so they don't get into these troubles.  Basically what I am saying is, kids see the same hurtful scenarios play out all the time but act surprised when it happens to them.  It's like there is a playbook when it comes to teasing, hurting or dominating someone.  This gave me a crazy idea to try with my students this year.  I am starting my own SEL playbook.

Lets be clear about the goals of having social emotional "plays".  These should be actions students can take to work out problems, show empathy and does not allow them to win or elevate their position against others.  Teaching kids to dominate others is a pathway to bullying and would be counter productive to the mission.  I have narrowed this down to the SEL skills I want them to master.  They are Relationship Building, Empathy, Conflict Resolution,  Adaptability, Social Awareness, and Responsible Decision Making.  Sure you can buy curriculum to address these but sometimes the best training is in the situations as they arise.

Here are the plays:

Pick Me Up - Social Emotional Skills Emphasized: Empathy, Relationship Building, Social Awareness.  Large group or whole school approach.  This play should be run constantly everyday.

What to do - Go out of your way to pick someone up.  Never let anyone sit alone or walk the halls alone.  If someone needs a pencil or paper, give it to them if you have it.

Shuffle - Social Emotional Skills Emphasized: Adaptability, Relationship Building, Social Awareness.  Whole school focus that can be done periodically.

What to do - Encourage students to attach to someone outside their normal friend group.  This might be at recess, the lunch table or at a sporting event.  Many of my students complain about cliques.  This is a way to help break them up.

Shutdown - Social Emotional Skills Emphasized: Responsible Decision Making, Conflict Resolution.  Very small groups and individuals as situations arise after an initial consultation with me.

What to do - When nasty rumors or fight talk is taking place, encourage students to find a way to shutdown all discussion on the matter by changing the subject.  For example, Jimmy tells Timmy that he heard he was going to get into a fight.  Timmy simply responds by saying that they have worked it out and nobody is going to fight and then quickly move on to another subject.  When done correctly, I have found that this reduces the "word around the campfire" affect that can happen when kids are arguing.  Kids tend to amplify trouble and prevent the two involved from really addressing their issue.

Goldie - Social Emotional Skills Emphasized: Conflict Resolution, Social Awareness, Adaptability.  Very small groups or individuals.

What to do - Based in part on a New York Times article and the golden rule.  When teasing and or bullying gets bad and unbearable, encourage the student to deflect it by using positive language that confounds the teaser.  Example: Jenny tells Suzie that she is not invited to her party because nobody likes her.  Suzie responds by simply saying, "That's fine.  I hope your party goes well."  When the tormentor is not getting a rise out of her, she will move on to someone that will get upset.  Suzie is also using the same positive language that she would want to have used with her.

This is obviously not a comprehensive list of plays for students to run to improve their own social well-being, but it is surely a start.  If your efforts fail it may be a signal that the students you are working with need more intensive support and a referral to your counselor may be necessary.  Don't fail to realize that even if your efforts are not enough, you are still forging a relationship with your students that will pay off.  They do appreciate it even if they are always finding themselves in trouble.  The coach in me wants to push my kids to success and there is noting wrong with having a playbook for them to use.  Happy coaching Principals!