Wrong Direction

I recently had the pleasure of holding Honors Night at my school. It is a joy to tell a student that they have put in long term effort and reached their goals. This is the building of self esteem. Setting a goal and then guiding kids through the ups and downs of the journey to get there. It seems there is a new definition of self esteem.

I have often joked that this is the generation where everybody gets a trophy. There is this sense of entitlement that didn’t appear to exist just 20 years ago. Having a front row seat to this the past ten years has been challenging to me, not just as an educator but as a coach too. I will never fault the kids for this even if it is truly aggravating to be fair when they expect something different. This is a parent-created situation that is causing entire institutions to change to meet the needs of kids that were raised entirely different that I was.

Here are some things to think about parents:

If you have to change the rules so somebody’s feelings don’t get hurt, then you are going in the wrong direction.

If you think your kid didn’t get enough awards, then you are going in the wrong direction.

If you encourage your child to quit a team because they are not playing, then you are going in the wrong direction.

If you ask your child’s teacher for extra credit to fix a poor grade, then you already went in the wrong direction.

If you think your child deserves some recognition for something they should already be doing, then you’re going in the wrong direction.

If you defend you child’s poor behavior by arguing that it’s the other kid’s fault, you are going the wrong direction and you just might be blind. (I’ve had this one a few times)

These types of behaviors by parents can create problems for kids. They have significant struggles growing up (surely we all remember ours) and it hinders their abilities to make positive relationships with other kids. When they get to me, they tend to fail at making friends or treating the ones they have with any respect or loyalty. This is only one of the pitfalls of this kind of parenting. If you do the research, you will find the answer to this question. Be careful of what you read. Many “experts” are encouraging the promotion of self esteem, millennial style, not the promoting of good parenting. It can be frustrating to find people trying to take parents in the wrong direction. Just ask yourself, “what would my parents have done?” and you will probably have the right answer.