The Stories In Between

One of my student-athletes got some upsetting news.  She has injured a tendon in her ankle and will be out of basketball for about a month.  I know some are thinking, it's only a month.  These people have never worked with or coached a very determined junior high girl.  She returned from her doctor's appointment and signed in with a walking boot and tears in her eyes.  She's a good kid and it's hard to see a student struggle.

As the day went on, my dad brain kicked in and I called her down to the office.  I could tell she was still upset and the day had not gone well for her.  As I began my words of encouragement, I happened to look up and see a picture of my daughter from a golf match her senior year.  I decided to share a story with my student.

Before her freshman year began, my daughter was hitting golf balls with me.  I was preparing for the one time of year I play golf at the Redbird Scramble.  She was new to golf clubs and clumsily hitting balls next to me, but I was not really paying attention to her as I was razor focused on my incredibly poor golf game.  Somewhere during that visit to the driving range, she hurt her right shoulder.  More specifically, her AC joint that connects the collar bone to the shoulder blade.  She was getting ready for freshman volleyball and it was uncertain how this would affect her serving.  She was treated by a fantastic physical therapist and was back on the floor in no time.  Returning to her usual level of play would prove to be difficult.  She was suffering a big setback just like the student I was telling the story to.

As fate would have it, she did not return to volleyball and joined the golf team.  This was the very sport that was the source of her despair.  She worked really hard.  She enjoyed competing and the grind of the game.  She saw her scores drop in each of her last three years of high school and was an all-conference golfer her senior year and played in the IHSA sectionals.  That honor doesn't make this a success story.  Her willingness to try something new after a setback and push herself to be successful is the story.  These stories need to be accessible to other budding athletes.

I'm not sure if the story helped.  I know that she listened and thanked me before she left.  I even offered to set her up with the same fantastic physical therapist that my daughter saw.  

I like winning as much as anyone.  I think trophy cases are fascinating and I'm always looking at gym banners wherever I go.  Those stories should be told, but the stories in between them can be far better.  Many familiar names in sports have incredible back stories that make their success seem inspiring to me.  NBA star Serge Ibaka was born in the war torn Congo as one of 18 children and lost his mother and father.  Basketball was an escape from poverty and despair.   MLB pitcher Jim Abbott threw a no-hitter with only one arm.  Olympic gymnast, Kieran Behan, overcame 15 months in a wheelchair, then suffered a head injury and several broken bones before qualifying for the Olympics in 2012.

Almost anyone can tell a kid that Micheal Jordan won six championships despite being cut from his high school team, but that story is not that inspirational and is not accessible.  I'm pretty sure he will not visit your practice to tell your players about how awful that was.  All kidding aside, if we want to motivate young players we have to tell the stories that happen in between the successes.  Invite real kids to speak and tell their story.  Give your kids a person that they can relate to and have a relationship with.  That's how we motivate kids to have a growth mindset and push through the tough stuff.  It makes them better players and people.

Always Eat Last

I was walking down the hallway to my office when a fourth grader decided to walk with me.  He noticed that I had a white Styrofoam container with me and some napkins.

"Are you just now eating lunch?" he asked.

I replied, "This is when I always eat lunch."

"It's like 1:30." he said with confusion.  He added, "Isn't it cold?"

"Sometimes it is."

He pressed on with, "What if there's no food left?"

"Then I don't get to eat."

He said with a look of disappointment, "Well that's stupid.  Have a good day Mr. Cass."

What my friend doesn't realize is that I always eat last.  It doesn't matter if it is lunch, a celebration or professional development meal I always go last.  I was once thrown a farewell celebration when I was moving on to a new district and they had to push me into the line.  I do this at home too.  To me, this small act of courtesy is important though it might puzzle others.  

I've done all the leadership courses and read a few books, but some of our best leadership examples just come from having a unique set of manners.  Letting everyone eat before me is a way of putting my people before me.   It is symbolic of their needs being at a higher priority than mine.  Sure I've eaten a lot of cold lunches over the years and sometimes had to take a trip down the street to a drive thru, but I take comfort in knowing that everyone else had been fed.  

As I look back, this comes from my mother.  She had to scrape to make sure we had enough so she would take what was left after we had all eaten.  For me, this is what the head of the household does and it has crossed over into my professional life.  I often hope my children take notice and that value can be transmitted and passed on.  I place a high value on servant leadership and I may not be able to teach my son how to rebuild a carburetor, but he can learn how to serve others.

What are some ways you serve others through small acts?  No act of kindness is small, but we all have our little things that others may not understand.  They make you unique and will help define your leadership style.  If you can't think of anything, always eat last.