I have current and former students tell me they like me all the time. They often report they get along with me better than all of their teachers. I don’t believe that’s true, but I know why students seek me out. Sure, I'm nice and I like to have fun with my students. A smile and a dependable interaction will always bring them back to you. However, I think one habit that I have makes for great relationship building with the secondary students that I have taught and watched over for many years.
Every kid gets a clean slate every day. No matter what. Even if they didn't behave at all the day before. Even if their parents act like they hate you. Even if they wrote your name on the bathroom stall. Even if that school they transferred from told you awful things. They get a clean slate. If not, you risk severely disenfranchising your students and how then will they ever gain the skills they need to be successful? Not wiping the slate clean leads to micro aggressions that jeopardize a relationship with a student. I think we have all seen what James Comer says about learning and relationships.
I get it. It is hard to wipe the slate clean every day. Sometimes it is easier to make decisions based on our convenience. Sometimes we just need a break and that kid goes to ACR so we don't have to have several of the same conversations with the same student in one day. It is human nature and with our workload, we need a break for ourselves. What I'm trying to sell is the idea that the payoff over the long run is worth it. There are tons of experts that would endorse this if I am not enough.
If you are a Ruby Payne fan, this is an emotional deposit. If you are a Carol Dweck fan, this encourages growth mindset. It’s restorative for both of you. When you show them that you can repair your relationship with them, they will be able to do it with their peers. This is modeling an Achievement mindset if you are an Eric Jensen fan. This simple act of kindness and forgiveness is central to my Christian faith. I'm sure the list could go on with an official academic search.
I often tell people that I am not a poverty expert, but I am a poverty practitioner. There are a ton of great books being written in education and practices that are trending in research, but we say we don't have time to do all that fancy stuff. Sure you have time if you are willing to change your habits. A change in your response and behavior does not cost you a minute of time. Day after day, those habits become your official protocol for how you do things. The clean slate protocol should be executed every day, for every kid, no matter what. This doesn't mean that you change your expectations of them. You are simply hitting the reset button the next day and starting the lesson over.
