Building Trust with Parents

I commented to a colleague this weekend that I could write a best seller based on Friday's events  alone.  It was surely one of those days.  Every situation was an indication of everything that's is wrong with schools and society.  It took quite a while to digest and reflect upon how the wheels fall off and why can't these bad days being prevented.  The truth is it's like being a fireman.  Sometimes there are boring days and sometimes you work 14 hours without taking your gear off.  I try not to complain and keep on moving.  I once heard someone say that we shouldn't pray for a smaller load, we should pray for a stronger back.  This is definitely true in education.

The theme for that Friday seemed to be the parents I was working with.  I feel I have great parents and families in my school but sometimes there will be conflict and disagreement.  In my post 5 Simple Truths, I tried to give parents a tool kit to help deal with school issues and help them understand what educators are going through when it comes to spending the day with our kids.  The first of the five truths was trust.  I asked parents to trust us knowing full well that there are external factors that influence trust of schools and their principals.

Their experiences in school might be a good start.  If our parents had adverse relationships with school when they were students then we might have some troubles.  I have a lot of parents and families that come from poverty and still struggle after generations of being poor.  For these parents I tell them up front that I am a product of generational poverty.  This eases a lot of tension especially if I tell them a story they can relate to.  Poverty stricken families see education as abstract and not a reality.  This can damage the establishing of a trust relationship with them if they do not see education as a way to mobilize out of poverty.  Sure, I have a handful of parents in poverty that do see schooling as a way out but the general rule is that most do not.

What if the parents you are dealing with dropped out of school and took an alternative route to become job ready?  Their failure can often times be unknowingly transmitted to their children.  Not always by what they say but usually how they interact with school personnel.  They are the ones that often feel anxiety towards participating in school conferences or the PTO.  They have a fear that those previous failures will rear their ugly heads and they may be an embarrassment to their children.

High achieving or high expectation parents can also be maladjusted in the trust department.  And you thought this was only about the "bad" parents.  In my experience these are the parents that push too hard and have the most unrealistic expectations.  Typically these are my parents that feel that the other kids are out to get their kid.  They most frequently misuse the term "bully" and be the first to tell you that a teacher just isn't teaching their kid.  Your rules are stupid to them and its an embarrassment if they suffer a consequence like everyone else.  These people are not bad people, but they desperately protect an imagined status level to the point of pointless arguments.

The reality is that the parents we work with are as different as the students we teach.  I feel that I enjoy a decent level of satisfaction from my parents.  That's not to say that I haven't been put on blast or faced some strong challenges, but I keep things as simple as I can.

Here are my simple rules that help build not only trust but predictable exchanges with families.

• The growth of our student is the absolute highest priority for both of us.
• Work to the best of your ability to find all the facts about a situation.
• Do what you say you are going to do.
• Give parents input/ownership in school decision making.
• Smile (and mean it)

Just like 5 Simple Truths, this is my professional experience though I'm sure there is research on these suggestions.  I enjoy meeting and talking with parents.  That might come from years of experience in waiting tables and customer service jobs.  I know that I want to reach a kid, I must also reach their parents.  They might not be on your team yet but they can be if you take the time to include them.

If it makes money, it must be okay.

Despite my opposition to Donald Trump being elected to the Presidency, I remained open minded and decided to give him a chance.  After all, the Washington leadership will not let him go too crazy right?  They will keep him in check and make sure that political convention would take over during his honeymoon.  I think we all assumed we would have to swallow some jagged little pills to get started, but hey it won't be a big deal.  I'm a reasonable, educated adult and I know it will be okay, right?

As usual I am off the mark.  To say that I'm disappointed is an understatement.  I am not proud of us right now.  Yes, our leadership is failing us but we are also not behaving as a people either.  I've struggled with how to approach our new lows and why I think we are headed down a horrible path but I think I have narrowed it down.  I have complained out a Trump Presidency before but I think a conversation I had with my daughter might sum it up.

One morning during election season, she asked my why I vote the way I do.  I will tell you up front that I will never influence my kids political affiliation.  They need to find their way just like I did.  I told her that because I grew up poor, I will never vote for someone that I thought would help keep poor people poor.  I feel that I have honored that over my voting career especially with the Presidency.  I am seeing ever so clearly why I could not vote for George W. Bush and now Donald Trump.  The theme for both Presidencies seems to be simple, if it makes money then it can't be wrong.

I think by now it is well documented that Halliburton profited greatly from a war in Iraq during the Bush Presidency.  This company was well connected with members of the administration and made them quite a bit wealthier.  The public complained about no-bid contracts and the legitimacy of the stated purpose for being there.  Regardless, we continued on and many died while some made millions.  Our leadership told us we had an enemy to defeat.  Looking back with the 9/11 Report in mind, we now know that Saudi Arabia had more to do with that tragic day than Iraq did.

Fast forward to the events of the past week.  Trump implements a 90 day ban on immigration from seven countries that are majority Muslim countries.  As the story unfolds and protests mount, the graphic below surfaces.  It was posted by the Christian Left so I waited to find it in another source and it came up in a news broadcast last night.  It's a telling graphic that illustrates my point.  If the people from these countries are such a threat to the American people, why are they not all banned?  Because the bottom four have business interests with President Trump.  Notice that Saudi Arabia is still getting a pass.

The hypocrisy that we support for financial gain has plagued our great nation for a very long time.  It is not a new concept and definitely didn't start with Bush or Trump.  I think we have seen this enough to know when we are being taken for a ride.  We allow this and are too ashamed to admit we elected another fraud.  So many of my Trump supporting friends are defending this executive order and it saddens me to know that they are simply supporting the notion that if it makes money, it must be okay.  The immigration ban does not support the American values that we were founded upon but that is not important when money is involved.  President Trump is making it all too clear that he is taking this to a very high level and will not polish it up for political purposes.  So buckle up America.  We have four years of this to endure or the possibility of impeachment, which ever comes first.  I do not have any ill will towards the office of the President, but we have not got off to a good start with the nations of the world taking note.