A Fist Full of Certificates

One phenomenon I love during this time of year is how much parents post about their kid's school awards.  Really, I do actually like it.  Seeing a picture of a smiling kid with a fist full of certificates is not at all offensive to me.  Now on the other hand, showing your kid's participation ribbon from field day is a little offensive to me.  There is a distinct difference in good and bad praise for kids.  I am no child psychologist but I am a practicing educator that has seen it all.

Long term goal setting is a much needed skill.  The problem seems to be that too many parents are convinced that awards should be handed out for everything.  To that I say, "slow down."  What you praise with your child is the value set you are teaching them in a covert way.  You don't see it but the praise you give for that little prize they won from a drawing is not actually helpful.  There are all kinds of awards and prizes given out for just being there.  They are claimed to boost a child's self esteem.  The only true way to build self esteem in a child is to help them set a goal and then work through the ups and downs until they reach it.  Having high self esteem does not mean feeling good.

Tell me if this sounds like anyone you know.  A parent posts every small victory (that should just be a step towards a long term goal) but when their child hits an obstacle it suddenly becomes the school's fault.  I get to hear a lot of these comments from parents that are interested in making their kids happy and not trying to develop them:

• He better make the team.  He has put in his time. (quality vs quantity argument)
• That teacher just doesn't like him.
• He tried his best, why cant you just pass him? (trying is not setting a high standard)
• He says there's a boy in his class that does this all the time and never gets in trouble.
• I can't make him do it. (my favorite)

Instead, they should work with their kid to replicate those victories and learn from their loses.  Let's face it, blaming others for lessons your kid should be learning is how we create cry babies and brats.  You know it's true.

As a parent I try to communicate to my kids that set backs are lessons and the end result is the true award.  Trophy or not, your kids can still be winners at life.  Parents often cling to the short term accomplishments because they are unwilling to take the long journey with their kids.  Rather, they just want their kids to be happy.  Happiness comes from those little trophies but fulfillment comes from long term goal achievement.  My kids will be adults some day and for a long time.  I would rather prepare them for the roller coaster of adulthood than promise them that their feelings should never be hurt.

I was very proud of my kids this school year.  Despite hiccups along the way, they both were 5.0 students.  Not because I told them they had to be.  It's because they showed a genuine interest in making good grades.  They both almost had perfect attendance which was their own planned goal.  They showed responsibility to those goals and saw them through.  The award certificates are nice but what it does for them inside is much more valuable.  This my friends is what builds self esteem.  They set the goals, they attained them.

So post on parents.  Be proud of your kids when they win year long awards.  Its a great thing to celebrate with them.  But beware praise for things that are smaller parts of a large goal.  Take the journey with them and guide them through it.  Teach them that obstacles are lessons to help achieve goals and not conspiracies to hold them back.  Your kids will be better adjusted adults and please realize that they will be adults far longer than they will be children so what we do now is critical.

Personally, this is how I like the pictures of my kids.  No certificates, just smiles.  I won't lie, if either of them get into Harvard Law School I will post about it every day until Facebook and Twitter ban me from their sites.  Until then, smiles are good.

Old Dogs New Tricks and Blogging

I was so incredibly excited to read that Elverado won the state bass fishing tournament.  As I looked at the pictures on social media I saw what made me proud to be a part of that school district.  In the background you could see a smiling Dave DeWulf.  Dave is now retired from his teaching job at EHS.  He was our vocational teacher and the bass fishing program started when we were there.  I was happy to sign the paperwork and he made the magic happen.

Dave is the reason that small schools are a joy to work in.  He cared deeply for kids and through his classes, he served our school and community.  He always saw the value in kids even when they didn't see it themselves.  Elverado is full of wonderful people like Dave.  I was a young principal (hired at 30) and he could have easily made my life hell but we respected each other because we valued the same things.  Well most things.  I was techie teacher and now an administrator and when I was hired the rumor was that Dave had never opened his email.  Ever.  We also joked that his use of email should be a performance indicator for me as his Principal.  If I could get him to use his email, I would have proven myself as a Principal.

I always wondered how people, especially in education, disregard the internet as a professional tool.  The most powerful tool technology has yet to give us should be what is empowering teachers.  If you are reading this you get it, but how do we get more of our old dogs to learn these new tricks?  That's not to say that more experienced teachers are not using Twitter, Pintrest and the like because we have great Twitter participation in our district.  But social media has to be more than just posting about projects made in our classrooms.  It needs to be more than just updating the scores.  It needs to be storytelling.

As a former social studies teacher I understand the value of story telling.  When more experienced teachers talk, I listen.  I want to know their perspectives because they have been shaped by history and experiences.  I have learned the most from the old dogs around me (I say that with love).  I have written in this blog for the 91st time with this post but none of what I have experienced at 39 is as interesting as stories told by someone that has been in education for 30 years.  These folks have seen a lot and if we want to find ways to make K-12 education great again, we have to listen to the stories of people that have seen the good, the bad and the ugly.

I would like to challenge our old dogs to teach us NCLB era people through blogging and social media.  We need to listen to your perspectives and allow them to help maintain the integrity of our profession.  On a side note, Dave did start checking his email.  He actually found it quite useful as a tool and I used to love getting called down to his room to help him with it.  I am however, still trying to find him on social media.  Maybe someone over that way can get him there.