What's Wrong With These Crazy Kids? (Part 3)

The final contribution to the question, What’s wrong with these crazy kids?, would be grown ups.  Yes, adults are what’s wrong with these crazy kids.  While we find ways to blame the crumbling of society and social institutions for this mess, we fail to see our own miscues.  Let me give you a micro example of what I mean.  Recently, Gov. Pat Quinn signed another bullying bill into law.  More regulations for schools that have little to do with what they are supposed to be learning.  All this government intervention when the predominant risk factors for one to become a bully are found in the home, not at school.  Factors such as seeing abuse in the home, permissive parenting, and enduring sibling bullying are key predictors.  Despite this we take aim at our legislatures and simply provide them with something to chat about come election time.  When will we look in the mirror?

Lets take a look at some data trends concerning the behaviors and attitudes among young adults.  You know, the ones that will have children.  In a national survey conducted as recently as 2011, 77% of women felt that having a child out of wedlock was okay.  70% of men felt the same way.  This is a growing attitude despite what we know about how well kids do in two-parent households.  More kids are raised in poverty in a single parent household and are less likely to be read to as a small child.  Shouldn’t the percentage of the not okays be this much?  The percentage of women who are married at the time of their first born is down and the number of women who are co-habitating is up.  That’s not to say that the child is not being loved and supported but the institution of marriage is not perceived as valuable as it once was.  We know what the divorce rate is but do we know the consequence of it?  Only about 75% of men reported that they contribute child support regularly.  That’s the response from the men.  I would have loved to see the response from the women if I could have found it.  It is also reported that 1.9 million children live in homes that are headed up by a relative that is not the child’s parent.  Our homes are breaking.  You can blame it on the economy but we have been on this slide for a while now.

 What is it that will not allow us to look at ourselves before we lay blame on the government, or the schools or whatever comes along?  Is it easier to lobby a state legislature to pass a law that is vague before we form family support groups in our communities?  I’ve said before that we need to keep our eye on the ball.  The stakes are higher when it comes to our kids.  To keep with the same analogy, why worry about who makes the ball and not worry if we are swinging at the right pitch.  These crazy kids need us to parent them and be champions of the values that help them to be better kids.  If we don’t have our house in order, they won’t either.

 

http://www.childstats.gov/index.asp

http://www.aarp.org/relationships/grandparenting/info-12-2010/more_grandparents_raising_grandchildren.html

What's Wrong With These Crazy Kids? (Part 2)

For part two of this extended post I would like to focus on my profession.  My disclaimer is that this point of view has nothing to do with my job or how I carry it out.  This is simply an observation of a social ill that I happen to have a front row seat for.

Schools are changing.  Well, lets say schools are being forced to change.  There is a movement in this country to demand customer service in our schools.  The school house has always been the place where middle class values and local culture has been transmitted to the students who will become the future of that community.  Those days are gone in most communities.  Lets look at some examples.

Schools have become the bad guy.  I check my news feeds everyday looking for education related news.  When I step outside the news of my professional sources and look at mainstream media, I will always find stories about schools.  The problem is that these stories are about the very small percentage of incidents of when people do lousy things in schools.  Throwing away lunches, school shootings, sexual offenses against students and so on.  This is what is broadcast to the masses and shapes public opinion.  Don't get me wrong, when bad things happen there needs to be an appropriate response to protect our children but school coverage is much like airline crash coverage.  When a jet goes down resulting in casualties, there is a huge uproar and there should be to a degree.  I realize that people lose loved ones and it is very hurtful to the parties involved but these incidents are a very few compared to the number flights that operate smoothly everyday.  Schools are the same way.  For every one student that is genuinely affected by a lousy teacher, a hundred million are either taught or saved from their difficult environment.  The problem is that all teachers pay the price when one teacher screws up.

How does this manifest itself?  Lets take this perception and apply it to behavior management in school.  When I was a kid, we were swatted with a paddle and it was completely agreeable with our communities because corporal punishment was acceptable in the home.  Growing distrust has eroded the symbiotic relationship that the school and home used to have.  Our house rule was that if you got it at school you would get it twice when you got home.  This is not a call to bring back swatting but there is big difference between then and now.  Now, if you got punished at school there has to be a legal team set up, online petitions, and appearances at school board meetings just to prove my baby didn't do what that dumb school says he/she did.  Schools are forced to change.  They have to spend a great deal of time bridging these gaps with the community and developing creative discipline solutions to prevent the drama and distraction that an angry parent has created.  Schools and parents need to be on the same page.  When we are not, the kids see it and use it as a tool.

Here is one of my favorites, sports and coaches.  We have a problem of spending too much time on bad coaches and not seeing how good the good ones actually are.  Yes there are bad coaches but that could be a series of books rather than a series of blogs.  My very first angry parent experience as an administrator was over football and ironically my worst ever school experience was over football.  The dad of a 5'2", 100 pound freshman was very upset that his son was not getting to practice with the varsity squad.  His could can do this, do that, run this fast and so on.  My simple response that maybe the coach did not feel he was ready for that type of environment and that he should focus on the playing opportunities that he was getting for a kid his size.  This was not good enough.  He went on a rant and explained to me that the football coach from a neighboring town has already told him that he would love to have his son and would play him on the varsity team.  He went on to say that if this school would not recognize his talent, then he would move him to that district.  My response: tell them we said hi.  I probably shouldn't have said that but my disdain for customer service in schools would not let me hold my mouth.  The truth is over the last seven years I have had several students leave my schools for what they consider to be greener pastures.  They have come to find out their personal troubles with schools always follow them.

My fear is becoming a business opportunity.  When opportunists see this conflict a chance to make money always follows.  Its the American way.  There is a movement to privatize schools in this country and my friends, this is not good.  The boom in charter schools and increasing calls for choice are making a corporate enterprise out of one of the last pure things in this country.  I recently posted a story to my Twitter page about the FBI conducting raids on a charter school company(?) and my thoughts were of corruption.  Some of these schools were in Illinois and tied to Mike Madigan.  We already put up with this crap in every other aspect of our lives and now we must keep it from over taking our schools.  A very good once over of the pros and cons of school privatization can be found at http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-education-be-privatized but I will tell you that I feel it is not a good path to travel.

Schools are a community building enterprise and if we don't treat it that way, it will become a money making enterprise.  We all have to step up and show responsibility for OUR kids or we wont have that opportunity any more.  Our loss of the old sense of community and trust helps make crazy kids and we all share an obligation to get it back.

http://dianeravitch.net/2014/06/13/fbi-raids-19-gulen-charter-schools-in-midwest/

What's Wrong With These Crazy Kids? (Part 1)

As an educator and administrator I often hear parents ask this question, "What wrong with these kids these days?"  The answers do not lie far from us but we seem to always miss the ball.  In the first part of this three part blog, I would like to look at the most powerful thing in our kids lives, media.

Media surrounds us.  From the first days of television to the information that gets shoved into our smartphones waiting for us to consume it.  It is all around us literally.  This is not a bad thing but what has come through media over the past few decades is a matter of discussion.  Lets take television to begin with.  In 1956 when Elvis appeared on the Ed Sullivan show, his trademark pelvis was shoved off of the screen.  By the third time he appeared on the show, cameras would only show his upper half.  Fast forward to the last ten years or so.  I often joke with my students that the M in MTV stands for Morse Code.  Why, because every time I turn it on all I hear is beeps.  That's not to mention the pervasive conduct and dastardly moral situations that arise in many reality programming that is aired.  I hear what you are saying, well that's cable television and if you pay for it should be allowed a little more leeway.   What about network television?  I saw in the popular show "Scandal" a couple having sex doggystyle over an office table.  That makes the hips of Elvis look a little tame to me.  My point is, the evolution television content is troubling and the examples of such could go on and on.

I was 12 once and I could not be completely sheltered from dirty words.  I remember sneaking my NWA and 2 Live Crew tapes into my room and listening to it them for hours on end.  The difference today is that back then, you had to sneak those tapes around and today you just have to turn on the radio.  The lyrics in many pop songs may not have feature the F word or the N word but you can definitely tell what is being said around the loose efforts of censorship that does take place.  Take the song "Guerilla" by Bruno Mars as an example.  No cuss words but we know exactly what he is talking about.  My 10 year old daughter knows every word somehow so I tunr the station if it comes on.  I try not to keep up with pop music but I feel like I have to.  There is some dance/techno song out now that has no words except for the line "We're just f**king animals!" in it.  Seriously?  Maybe I am now officially old but come on man.

Here's a can of worms - the internet.  Wow the questionable content flows like wine doesn't it?  We as parents can have some control over my first two examples but this one is a bit of a trick.  You can get any crazy thing you want off of the world wide web and there are very few safeguards for parents.  Well, I should say few that the kids have not yet figured a way around yet.  My son and daughter love the game Minecraft on their iPads.  I think its great.  It is a great tool to foster creativity if you can deal with all the lingo and zombie stuff.  Like any body, when you want to improve your space on Minecraft you simply go to the internet and surely you can find ideas.  My five year old discovered this and he found Youtube videos with walkthroughs and how to's. Great right?  Wrong, the narrator used scores of profanity in his video and we had to shut it down.  Now, it is fair to say that my five year has no clue what those words mean but we cannot let him think that it is acceptable language.  If we let is slide, we are letting the internet do our parenting and that is what has been happing with our kids.  They are cultured to believe sex and being sexy is normal, then we send them to school and tell them its not.  We wonder why they are so frustrated.

Who is to blame for all of this?  There has to be a scapegoat.  First I will say look in the mirror and I need to as well.  We have to be the change we want to see.  That's should sound familiar.  There is a reason though that we have went from covering Elvis' hips in the 50's to allowing cartoon characters in South Park to have gay sex on screen.  As always, follow the money.  The FCC determines the standards for censorship and over the past few decades it has gotten way more liberal.  Now you Obama haters should not start any new bumper stickers just yet.  I said past few decades.  A review of congressional contributions by the media industry shows a large growth from 1998 to now.  The largest donor is Comcast.  The largest recipient, Alison Grimes who is running against Mitch McConnell for a Kentucky Senate seat.  Traditionally they contribute more to Democrats but the flow of money is troubling.  Just like anything else that smells funny in this country, we should be looking for the campaign money.  Are we willing to solve the problem politically?  Is there a lobby for people that just a want a shot at raising their kids right?  the answer is no and that's why it continues.  Sometimes parenting has to be done in the voting booth.


http://www.opensecrets.org/industries/indus.php?ind=B02
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/wayoflife/07/31/censorship/